On a hike on one of Berkeley’s beautiful trails in the summer of 2013 when I retired from full-time teaching, my hiking partner, a friend and therapist, asked me what the most important thing would be in my retirement. She was not yet retired. A few years younger than I…

There’s Shelley briskly walking uphill on Solano to the Brazillian coffee shop. Ellen and Joe walk their neighborhood every morning. Harriet prepares delicious vegan meals for herself and her housemate. Fred curls up on his outdoor chaise for an afternoon snooze. Each of these friends expresses an aspect of vitality…

First off, a disclaimer. The subject of this writing is neither a mother, or strictly speaking, a daughter. Still, since she was born a daughter, and she is my granddaughter, I think this fits in my exploration of family relationships between women. You can judge for yourself. Nellie, I’ll call…

Mothers and Daughters Driving North to Black River Falls, a small midwestern town half-way between Minneapolis, where my youngest daughter lives, and Madison, where I was spending Christmas with my oldest daughter, I scan the mostly farming and forest landscape. Nothing in California looks like this — scrub oak, miles…

I’ve spent more time with my adult daughters (3) in the last several months than usual. It has been a time of new growth for me as a mother. I’m not sure about my daughters. My thoughts about this new growth have forced me to revisit my relationship with my…

The guiding principle of the philosophy of Appreciative Inquiry (an early creation within positive psychology), is to begin any project, or develop any idea with the question: What is working now and how can I build on that? “What works” is a very different place to begin than the more…

Practice Nine: Why NOT me? When I was first diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL), my primary care physician said “You have cancer, but don’t worry about it.” I told him I didn’t ever think I would hear those two phrases in one sentence. He laughed, then sent me to…

Practice Eight: How Useful is This Story? We all have our favorite stories — about ourselves, about our partners, our siblings, our children. Some of these stories tell others who we think we are. Some stories tell about our favorite experiences with others we love. Some stories reveal our vulnerability…

Practice Seven: What Physical/Psychological Supports Will Help Me Cope? Years ago when I was both coach and developer of leadership skills for corporations, I loved the latest trends in physical challenges. I took teams of senior managers to places where we climbed trees, walked tightropes between trees, or learned to…